How did they know??

When I first started chemo treatment, I was smashed.  'They' talked about a "chemo-blast", and it has been only after my chemo *vacay* and then subsequent chemo dose reduction the last two weeks that I have realized just how much I was *blasted* those first three months.  

Think garden hose spray versus power wash.

But those first couple of weeks, I was still under the illusion that I was going to work.  I missed more than half the month of January, then tried to go in the first week of February, and realized quickly that even if I could nicely talk my body into a little cooperation and haul it into my desk, my brain was not in agreement.  It just wasn't going to work.  It informed me that if I so chose to fill it full with steroids and harsh chemicals, that it was *quitting*.

And it did.  I am truly afraid to check my work quality those couple of days.  

My body kind of had a hissy-fit as well.  On top of all the other symptoms that accompany chemo, I could not sit down easily due to some pretty odd and intense abdominal pain.   My internal organs were screaming at me nine-tenths of the time to just STOP whatever it was that was causing their intense unhappiness.

But I was going to work.

I kept texting my boss Ducia that I was not able to make it 'this' day, but hoped I would be there the 'next' day.  All of my careful pre-emptive planning I had scurried to put together the first week of January was coming down to the point that I could not keep payroll taxes and payroll and accounts payable current with just a couple of hours here and there. 

Ducia finally called me one day, and I knew when I saw the caller ID what was going to happen.  She told me what I knew needed to happen, knew was going to happen but could not make myself willing to say the words.

She kindly and gently told me I was being placed on a leave of absence.

She knew before I could say it, believe it, what I was going to need. 

How did she know the proper time? 

*******

I have to confess - we have some pretty awesome friends. 

This Friday night, they are putting on a benefit for me.

I was not sure how to feel about this when they first talked about it.  I work for a non-profit and I know how hard it is to raise funds, how much work it takes to put on a fundraiser.

It's a lot of man-hours that are never repaid nor fully appreciated.

But they took that on willingly.  And enthusiastically.  

They knew our past history with hospitals and bills and how it had chiseled and chipped away what should have been a solid granite financial under-girding at our age.  It had sent us almost to the point of having to sell our home.  Or worse.  We are driving one 'half' car that was built in 1998.  The other car is 10 years old.

We had slashed our budget to 'make it through'.  For a long time.  

Then came cancer.  

I was brought up by parents that grew up during the Depression.  My brain struggled with the idea that people were going to donate money.  I struggled with the fact that there were a lot of people going to be doing a lot of work.  I struggled with the fact that this was me, not someone else.   I struggled with the proper response to it all.

I still do.

Most of it has been kept secret from me, because they know I would freak if I knew it all.  

But the parts I do know, make me marvel.  There is a network built around this benefit that has dumbfounded me.  They have accomplished what some people get paid a lot of money to do for large organizations and such.

They have donated themselves, their time, their resources, all to make sure I am taken care of. 

I am humbled beyond knowing what to do.  They are showing the Kingdom of God in a way I have never personally seen it acted out on earth before.  They are living it. 

All because they said "God wanted them to do this."

I wasn't sure all of this was going to be "needed".  When it comes to pride, I can lie to myself as well as the next person.  Scott was talking to me last week, and he mentioned "you do remember you have to have surgery next year, too, right?"  

I had forgotten that my "packaged chemo treatment plan" had changed several times, and that I was now more than likely going to need radiation and chemo after surgery, requiring a second and who knows how many more surgeries..... rolling into next year, who knows when.

More than that, how was I professing that God is teaching me "community", and how to better care for one another like He came to earth to teach us to do - and here before me is presented a first hand, first class tutorial - and God asks me, how could I ignore the beauty of the lesson?

How did they know what I was going to need three months ago when they decided to do this for us? 

*******

We went to a Ray Vander Laan conference in the heart of the Mennonite and Amish community here in Ohio last year.  It was fascinating.  He talked about  "Jerusalem" and focused on the last two weeks in the life of Jesus the Messiah.

I loved it so much, we went back to the sales table and wanted to purchase the audio series.  The friends we had gone with said they had already purchased it, and would share it - why didn't we try and get something else and share?

I felt like I had just walked into a showroom with money in my pocket to buy a BMW, and now had to settle for something less.

We bought the series he had taught there three years previous, titled "Exodus" and felt like we were walking away with the consolation prize.

I have never been more wrong.

The series is all about "Chaos vs. Shalom".  The second CD in the series was literally the best teaching on the Bible I have ever heard.  Ever.  (Ok, other than his first series that hooked me, the "Dust of the Rabbi", which I listened to back and forth to the Cleveland Clinic, alone in the car a couple of years ago.)  

The Exodus series is nine CD's in length, and fascinating.  It taught the correlation between Moses and Jesus and gave solid proofs that I had never heard before or considered, even though I might have read Exodus more than some.

It taught who really might be on that judgement seat we all must stand before one day.  It contains an astounding reference to South Africa and how they used the Truth and Reconciliation Commission* in setting aside apartheid, trying to implement stability in their country.  It was a place where all those wronged had opportunity to state the horrible atrocities that had been committed against them by those in authority and how they were going to work out reconciliation - so they could all live together a little easier.  He quotes testimony at one such trial to paint a clear picture of who the Jewish Tanakh teaches may be the judge for us on that day we face our sin and face our judge.  

If only the United States had done such a thing after the Civil War.  If only we were a little more afraid of facing that judge.   

But what was most fascinating to me, was how he presented the idea of "Chaos versus Shalom" in relation to the Exodus, in relation to the whole Bible and those in it, in relation to me - where I live at today.

It would not leave my mind.  And I started to think that it was maybe the crux of a whole lot of problems and pain and unhappiness in a lot of people's lives.

God's idea in the beginning was Shalom.  He gave a world of Shalom to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.  The word Shalom means something so much more than just "peace" - it means  "The webbing together of God, humans, and all creation in justice, fulfillment, and delight is what the Hebrew prophets call shalom. We call it peace but it means far more than mere peace of mind or a cease-fire between enemies. In the Bible, shalom means universal flourishing, wholeness and delight – a rich state of affairs in which natural needs are satisfied and natural gifts fruitfully employed, a state of affairs that inspires joyful wonder as its Creator and Savior opens doors and welcomes the creatures in whom he delights. Shalom, in other words, is the way things ought to be."  Completion.

God wanted us then and wants us now, to live in Shalom.  In fact, RVL goes as far as to state, that the people of God should be the ones with Shalom.  Having received Shalom into their lives, then realizing that, Chaos tries to kill it.  Push it back.  Exterminate it.

It's the battle of the ages.  

Our job - or maybe better said, our opportunity - is to be an oasis of Shalom on this earth, in the Kingdom of God for His glory.  For the sanctuary and help to others. For the striving of excellence that produces Shalom.  For giving hope to a world battle weary of fighting Chaos that doesn't know the name of the battle they are in. 

But Chaos keeps pushing and pushing and sometimes overtakes us in a crisis to the point that we, the ones who should have the oasis of Shalom, are bankrupt.  Sometimes it's our own doing, sometimes it is simply that we have been over-run.  (Think Job)

While spending months on this series, my ears perked up every time I heard the word Chaos in the news, or on HGTV, thinking of  my garage; I heard the word in reference to farms or work places - some farms and work places are the epitome of Chaos, while others are beautiful visions of excellence - Shalom - and encourage you to want to be a better person because of the Shalom that is fostered there.

It made me realize the chaos in our lives - and how it was working to overcome us and how the Shalom in our lives was being pounded.  We had to work and pray and know truth to counteract it and it was difficult.

And mostly, with the Hebrews in Egypt and with me today, obtaining that Shalom all came down to *trust* - do you trust the God of the universe to do what He says He is going to do?   Would I as a Hebrew that does not know a whole lot about the God I am supposedly linked to by my DNA - do I - a slave of that country - go out and buy that lamb on day 10 of the first month of the year, tie it before my house for all to see, and then slaughter it on day 14 and wipe the blood all over my door in full view of my tortuous taskmasters?

Four days I quake and shake every time I hear a footstep in my alley with that lamb tied in front of my home.  Four days I consider over and over that maybe Moses' command was going to annihilate me and my people.  Four days, I writhe and angst over that decision to listen to Moses and do what he said God commanded.

Do I have that kind of faith?  Can I trust that much?

Do I stand in an oasis of Shalom and fight the Chaos surrounding me and wipe the blood on my doorpost - knowing it could mean the death of me, my family and any others inside that domicile?

My head lived inside the teaching of those nine CD's for months.   

Then Chaos came knocking at our door again and I met a harsh taskmaster of my own.  I knew that taskmaster well, had lived in hospitals with my loved ones for stretches of time, and was hoping to be free of walking those halls for a while.

I met that taskmaster again, and Chaos threatened to overcome me.

But because there was a group of people around me studying the same idea, they came to my defense in that battle, and offered me parts of their Shalom.  I was invited into their circles of Shalom, and given sanctuary and help in time of crisis. Chaos.

I marvel in the timing that God led us to that series and knowledge.  I marvel at how it has helped me process all of this.  I marvel at the ones learning it, the ones brave enough to trust and apply it - tying that lamb in front of their doors for four days.  Caring enough to send gut-honest emails about their trials; or picking up the phone and calling, when they knew the conversation might be tough; or sending gifts and monies to help us through; or 'keeping' us by literally giving us a place to stay while in treatment - how have they trusted that much to do all this sharing Shalom?

Or - or putting on a benefit for one they want to include in their circle of Shalom.

How did they - all of them - know what inviting me into their circle of Shalom would mean to us?  How did they have the faith and trust to share that one note of encouragement, that one word of hope, that one gift at absolutely the right time - helping us to live in, and I quote again, a rich state of affairs in which natural needs are satisfied and natural gifts fruitfully employed, a state of affairs that inspires joyful wonder as its Creator and Savior opens doors and welcomes the creatures in whom he delights. Shalom, in other words, is the way things ought to be."  Completion.

We are fighting Chaos at the doors of Hell.  And we are so grateful for those opening their doors and sharing their Shalom, creating a community and Kingdom here on earth that is awesome to behold. 

*******

*  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth_and_Reconciliation_Commission_%28South_Africa%29