Soul Looks

I have been accused before of having ample amounts of imagination.  Some of that is based on a good depth of intuition for some things; some of that is reading mountains of odd material; some of that is just plain old brain cell activity going further than most think it should.

But what has been playing in my brain the last couple of weeks is "what does my soul look like"......

I mean really.look.like.

We are all given a soul - you can argue 'when' - but we all get one, and I am just wondering - what does it look like?  Like what does it look like especially from the heavenly realms.

I just get the feeling from reading the Bible that the soul is, um, maybe "viewable", and if so, what does it look like?  

I venture to guess that most of the curiosity could be placed on my altered appearance of late.  Do we (meaning me mostly) really rely on the ability to "spruce" ourselves up enough with the right hair product, the right makeup, the right clothes - that we don't have to worry so much about what our soul is looking like?  Can our soul change appearances through disease or poison or pain like our outside bodies do? 

Can they blossom and bloom and grow radiant as well with the right care and concern?

I know the simple "yes" answer.  I've sat in Sunday School.

But what does it really look like?

Have I ever taken it to the desert for 40 days to let it flourish over my bodily needs in dire circumstances?  Have I given it a Sabbath rest, and let it glory in the Lord God that made it and placed it within me?  When I pray is it my words that stomp out what my soul wants to say, or do I let it commune with the Lord God as well? 

If God looks down from heaven and sees only our souls, what is He seeing?  A bunch of shriveled up, poisoned, imprisoned souls crying out for release from their captors (us)?  

I am trying to remember the last time I spent a dime buying a drink for my "soul that was thirsty"..... I'm spending lots of  money on bottled water because the medications being put into me make all things taste different - so I buy the best, tasteless water to continue hydrating.

Is my soul hydrated?  Have I ever truly hydrated it when it is bone dry and begging?   Or do I just do what comes naturally - cover up those sunk-in eyes and raspy voice with the latest "soul make up" making it look good - while it is dying of thirst.

Is my soul not by choice - anorectic?  Is it starving to death because it is not fed?

I am ashamed at times when I listen to some of the Jewish Rabbis - they have the Torah memorized.  Memorized.  It's kind of hard to twist words and make things into what you want them to appear when the Word is in your head, your heart and your soul.   As long as they are about doing good, I envision their souls as strong healthy marathon runners - they are tough for the road and do not stop easily.  They are well fed.  And well hydrated. 

They know they cannot twist two verses into a lesson and  make it mean something it doesn't - because in their brain and in their souls they are reminded that two chapters back - that's not what God meant at all.

Sometimes, when the worst is the worst, I feel a smile play around my mouth at the sound of the Word being spoken from a little computer laying beside me - and I suspect that in the midst of all my bodily chaos, it is my soul that is happy, making me content in my body.

Sometimes as I hear the Scripture, and realize I could be in sin, or headed that way or already been there previously - and I do what I call "reverse praying" - I pray that God will protect me from that sin that He hates and help me do what is right by Him and by my fellow man - something I am not very good at - but I pray for help and guidance while hearing the Word spoken.  And I feel my soul smile.  

Sometimes I hear that spoken Word say how we are supposed to stand up against sin - and I know I become weary when it comes to writing to change laws to protect the innocent ones in this land - to protect them from the wolves that wait to devour them, and my soul sags.  It wants me to do more to stop sin - especially the kind of sin that hurts little ones.  I am wizened to the enemy and how he can most easily devour them, and yet I become weary of that fight. 

I know all of this about my soul, but I wonder now when I look in the mirror - what does it look like?   Will it go back to its Maker unstained and pure? 

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Throughout most of Deuteronomy when Moses is telling Israel what God told him to tell them, the "soul" is almost always attached to the "heart".  As in: 

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.   Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.  Deuteronomy 6:4-9

In the Psalms, it seems to be more just "soul", as in:

The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul.  Psalm 19:7

Or my latest favorite:

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?  Psalm 42:2


How do I peel back the layers of the years and pretense and hurts and bruises that I have used to cover my soul and open it and let it heal and grow and bloom?  Let it shimmer and shine.

Does it look that way to God?  

Do I now see glimmers of my soul looking back at me in the mirror?  Littered with cancer that would love to overtake it?  Pale.  Does my soul know that the evils - the cancers - of this age need a strong antidote that is ruthless, and may not leave it whole?  Does my soul look bloated and unhealthy and hairless?  Is it nauseous at the things it sees, the commands that it's body ignores before a Holy God?

What does my soul look like?

So I turn to the Talmud to see what the ancient Rabbi's taught on this as well.   And I quote:

"Man is akin to God in having been endowed with a soul.  The possession of this God-like feature is the cause of his affinity to his Maker and superiority over the other creatures.  The Rabbis, as already pointed out, credited the human being with a dual nature. "Man's souls is from heaven and his body from earth".  The body is described by them as "the scabbard of the soul"...... The character of a life depends upon the care which the individual devotes to keeping his soul pure and unstained....."

Still I don't know what it looks like, but they seem to feel I need to keep it pure and unstained.

I need to keep looking, because this is burning a hole in my brain for some reason- and it goes beyond the knowledge that I might be standing before Him sooner than I thought if all does not go well in the medical world with me.

I just wonder, whenever that day is, what will my soul look like standing there with me?