The last time I drove was the first week in February. That is also the last time I made it into work coincidentally.
As they have decreased my dose of some of the chemo drugs, my vision is better this week. My brain and comprehension have improved. I have even been able to finally read some - which has been amazingly pleasurable, I might add.
On the other hand, after talking to both of my daughters yesterday on the phone, my hearing seems somewhat sketchy still. I'm guessing I said "WHAT?" maybe 849 times. That can be attributed to the chemo, but I'm guessing it's more of a 'karen-meets-fifty' thing.
And in case you wonder, they did laugh.
I am still just a little clutzy, a little walking into doorposts for some reason, so we are a little bit anxious to see how this whole driving thing works out.
And my reflexes have not had a test like this for while...... Um yeah, I will be that car on the road that is stopped one half mile behind the amish buggy, waiting.
*******
The plan for this week is to have my blood drawn somewhere closer to home that knows how to access my port. Samaritan Hospital is capable, but I cannot tell you the frenzy that my brain is in suddenly realizing I am not walking into a cancer center that is concerned with little else than protecting their patients from germs. And I am sure that Samaritan is as well, but they have all kinds of patients there - not just cancer patients avoiding germs like cats avoid large bodies of water. For all I know there could be a flesh eating bacteria patient in the next room. And those germs do jump - I have flipped through a few tv channels the last couple of months.
I am inclined to carry my hand sanitizer with me. I have become the worst germ-a-phobe in Ashland County. Card carrying alcoholics do better walking past a bar.
But, the idea is to get my blood tested close to home today - if it's good, I travel to Columbus to get my chemo tomorrow. If it's not, I go back in Thursday and have it tested again, then hopefully, get chemo on Friday, so I will not miss a whole week again.
And if you wonder, I have not had a flash in the sky answer from God about which path to choose chemo-wise, but I am leaning towards staying in the study, with reasons that might be better talked about another day.
*******
My friend long ago taught an "aerobics class" as we called heavy breathing exercise then, and as most of us out-of-shapers in the class were basically dying with lack of lung space gasping for needed oxygen, she was smiling and yelling and coaching us on. She used some tunes for the workouts that are still enblazened in my brain and every time I do anything that involves more than the usual oxygen intake, I hear them again.
I am using several of them now for my walks or "work-outs" - if you want to call them that - and they are listed in my 'youtube-tunes-list' as my "fighter" songs. (don't be too impressed - I usually pass out on the couch for four hours afterwards. But, if I can do nothing else for my body, my cells will be oxygenated.)
Some days, I'm not sure I am going to make it for twenty minutes. Some days, I'm not sure I am going to make it for two minutes. Some days, I am angry when I hear this song. Some days, I don't believe the words. But it always, makes me keep going - at least for the three minutes and twenty-eight seconds that the song is playing.
And it keeps playing over and over in my brain.
This is quite a blast from the past if you will. Go ahead, don't be shy - turn it up a little. (sorry about the video pics - it was the 80s afterall...)
But the words, the words of this song -- "We're surrounded by His love and guarded by His power.....until the battle's over"......
And you know I do not believe that we are given easy lives - I don't take that from the song - that "hey, any battle that comes along, we are going to win, ya'all - Yay!". And you also know I don't like some of the North American church attitude about "Christ on our side", snub your neighbors - your side is bad. But I do take this for a good "marching" song for the battle. No matter what or where or why, with the cloud of the Lord God Almighty before us, we go. To the battle, to the fight, to the journey, to the end.
This songs to all the people
With light in their hearts
And love in their eyes.
You don't have to worry
When the mountains seem of infinite size.
There is one who goes before you to calm the sea.
There's a king who leads his people to victory.
We are Destined to Win
We're surrounded by his Love
And guarded by his power.
Destined to Win
Following the Lord until the battles over.
We are Destined to Win
We all get discouraged
When the pressures of life start weighing us down
We've learned that in his footsteps
Crosses in life must precede the crowns.
There is one who goes before you
To calm the sea.
There's a king who leads his people to victory.
We are Destined to Win
We're surrounded by his Love
And guarded by his power.
Destined to Win
Following the Lord until the battles over.
We are Destined to Win
We've got to remember
It's our destiny to win the end
With Christ on our side
We are Destined to Win.
We are Destined to Win
We're surrounded by his Love
And guarded by his power.
Destined to Win
Following the Lord until the battles over.
Destined to Win
We're surrounded by his Love
And guarded by his power.
Destined to Win
Following the Lord until the battles over.
We are Destined to Win
(and yeah, you can double check me, but I hate misquoted Scripture, and I think, think, that Jesus did not go before them and calm the sea. He calmed it while they were in the midst of the storm, but it's still a worthy song, eh?)
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