We got home from the OSU-Stephanie Speilman Center after 5pm today. It was a pretty incredible day, and I have to attribute it to the prayers that you folks are putting up on my behalf.
And one awesome nurse.
After being refused chemo treatment last week with low blood work, Dr. M and Julie suggested that I try a lab closer to home that could test me so we would not have to make the long drive and they wouldn't have to refuse me again and -- and *maybe see me cry* again, I suspect. A simple CBC, complete blood count - is all I need, so I went to the local facility yesterday.
After a few trials at the outside facility, they finally did call me with the blood work results late afternoon, and though they did not have the "grans, absolute" formula on their sheet that tells me everything I need to know about getting a treatment or not - what she told me about my white blood cells was super!! They had really jumped and I was pretty amazed. And my hemoglobin instead of stepping down more, which it should have been doing being fourteen days out from my last carbo treatment -- my hemoglobin and platelets, bless them, went up.
Talk about a 'dark-horse- candidate succeeding where everyone thought they were doomed.
That is a miracle. Your red blood cells are pooped out and just down right waving a white flag two weeks after carbo. Especially mine it appears. With missing treatment last week, they should have held their own and not stepped down too much more, but this is miraculous -- mine stepped up.
Everyone was all smiles over that one.
My white blood cells on the other hand, seem to be reacting to the IV Taxal that I get every week. Or that I am supposed to get every week. 'They' have been telling me the last two weeks, the longer you are in chemo, the more you get used to it, but, on the other hand, the more your body starts to break down and react. For example, there is more chance now for a more severe carbo reaction a couple of days after receiving it. And it appears, sneaky Taxal is on that bus as well.
I keep telling the nurses to please, please not say such things in the hearing of my body - my body hears it, hugs it close - and away we go to whatever they warn me about.
Actually, they know their stuff, and they know pretty much when to warn you, so I am grateful. If they would have told me these things at the first treatment that I am hearing now and accept just as more information - I would have freaked. Freaked out.
But I thought that out of the three chemo drugs I am taking, that Taxal and I were the closest of friends. At least as friendly as you can be with chemo that is. Obviously, Taxal has some old Soviet-Russian components to it. It acted like my friend, but in the end, is quickly becoming the more long lasting, devastating hurt.
And today, it seems Taxal has been undermining my wbc's fourteen days out as well.
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Abby was my first nurse that I had at the Stephanie Spielman Center after I was done with the study part at OSU-James Cancer campus. She was pretty awesome then and even more-so today. This was the first nurse that I have had twice and she remembered most of what we talked about over two months ago.
I, on the other hand, did not.
The level of knowledge that these nurses have within the James Cancer Center, is pretty spectacular. And then they openly, and thoroughly share it with the patients. They know every cancer they are treating upside down, inside out and flipped over. They know every treatment being given. They even know most of the ins and outs of every study being conducted there - and what they don't know they pursue and get answers.
That's a lot of knowing and brain cell usage, folks.
She had a trainee shadowing her today, and her training was going to take over six months. I believe it.
After my blood work's spectacular showing yesterday, it was too low this morning. From 1pm yesterday, to 9am this morning, my blood results did a huge flip-flop.
Perhaps I am being inundated with too many campaign commercials these days, and my wbc's decided to jump on board the finger pointing 'flip-flop-train'..
But I was too low on my wbc's to get chemo again. We were quite surprised - how could it drop that much in that amount of time??? Julie said that happens sometimes with outside labs.
But by the time it was all said and done, my wbc's were too low for chemo, even though my red blood cells had done some herculean work this past week.
They all left the room, and I didn't cry, didn't get mad, I guess I have reached some level of acceptance of the state of my blood on some days.
Abby put her head back in the door and with a twinkle of hope in her eye, told us not to pack up yet.
We waited, I played on my cell phone, Scott looked out the window, and then Abby flew in again. She said "I asked them to try a blood draw from your arm this time, not your port". My port is flushed each time it is accessed with saline solution and a blood thinner to avoid clotting that close to your heart and jugular leading directly to your brain and all. She wondered if that was influencing some of my results.
Sweet girl that I love. Brilliant girl.
She hit a vein easily, pulled out the blood which I was praying over, and left the room.
We waited some more. Then Abby came back in with her trainee, with Julie and her trainee, and what we had was a whole entourage getting off the campaign bus smiling really big.
Julie sat down at the desk and looked over the new blood results on the screen. She looked at me and said "you might just squeak in". They left the room to use the calculator to be sure - and after a while - came back in - I had won the nomination.
She said "you have squeaked in being at 1,000.012". I have to be at least 1,000 on my grans absolute formula, and here I was with point - point .012 to spare.
Hoo-ah and ticker-tape parades.
And all because Abby went that extra mile for me. Wednesdays are their busiest day. Once, they told me that 10 chemo nurses were processing 53 chemo treatments that day. That is pretty outstanding considering the amount of time they spend with each patient. I was there from 9am to 2:45pm today.
She was awesome and saved us another wearisome trip to Columbus on Friday. Don't get me wrong - I am so, so thankful that facility is there. I love it and what they do and how they do it. But the travel part and "hanging-out" part is wearisome and fatigues my already depleted cells sometimes. Her "extra-mile" that she walked with me today saved me travel-fatigue, exposure, time, money, and saved Scott from another frazzled morning on red-break-light-mostly-stopped 315. He might have a stroke on there one day.
She also gave me a very helpful hint that is kind of a no-brainer if you think on it - but very useful. Next time I use an outside lab, have them use the veins in my arm and "save" the port for her. Yeah, we all should have thought of that one, but she is the one that was thinking about how to make my life better. My healing work. My chances improve on that poll.
God in heaven shined His face on us today. And we cannot be more grateful. He sent us an awesome nurse again that went to bat for me, and we were blessed.
Thank you for your prayers. God is showing me an ever unrolling process of how His kingdom works here on earth. I will never understand it all, but He keeps showing me and it impacts me, and I feel your prayers going to heaven on my behalf.
And I am on my face, on the ground, thankful.
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Our House Church went through Matthew last year and it clinks around in my brain still all that we learned. I don't know what Abby's faith is, but she is obviously living these verses, all because she wants what is best for me -- someone she may not see again, someone she did everything medically correct for today and could have walked away from my room that first hour satisfied.
But she walked that extra mile for me. Because that's who she is.
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give. Matthew 10:8
If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Matthew 5:41-42
For the record, I didn't even ask her.
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Last week, when we got home in the afternoon, I purposely put my phone on the table out of hearing range, jotted a short note of my chemo-reject, and went to get ready to go outside. I put on my doctor sanctioned long, thick rubber gloves, chemo sun-hat, long sleeved shirt, thick jeans and pulled some weeds. That has been therapy for me for years, and still works.
Scott was out there with me. It was great to be working a little again, and it was great to be out there doing what we love together.
I couldn't talk about it anymore.
And Scott couldn't either. Every time I turned around he was sitting down and wiping a tear off of his face. I would sit down with him and rest. We would talk about my chemo, about the garden, plan some transplants and some improvements, then we would start up again. Then sit down again. Grieving it all on a beautiful sunny day, with perennials blooming much earlier than they should, making it beautiful to dwell on beyond expectation.
He was processing it all with great difficulty. It was a hard day but it was a good day. We love to putter in the garden together, and it's something we have done for years - together.
It is somewhat, somehow, healing.
All that to say, on that tornadic day, I think I saw an angel last week in the waiting room before my world started to revolve. When I get to heaven, whatever she/it was, I want to thank Him at His feet. It's a long story for another day, and I will tell it maybe, but all during that turbulent day I still cried when they told me the results and the subsequent chemo refusal, but there was a calm in my core. In my soul.
She turned and touched me and whispered something to me, and I know it touched my soul deeply, suddenly and intimately and I could not grasp it entirely, but it was light and calm before the darkness approached.
Somebody is praying great things over that place down there. And praying some great things over us. And God is moving and I still don't know what His ultimate plan is, but I know that He is prompting me on the journey.
And I know my red blood cells did something this past week that they were not supposed to be able to do.
I got this from a friend this week who has gone through some seriously scary and painful medical issues that were beyond my comprehension. I had told her that sometimes the tears just came - they were not from depression; not anger or fear sometimes, even though sometimes they are; but they just seemed somehow cleansing. A lifetime of cleansing seeping out of my tear ducts unawares.
She answered:
This week I pray that you will have an awesome week...not just better,but awesome..God wants to pour out his love on you and Scott!! Tears are very therapeutic..and emptying...I remember when I was in a hospital (can't remember which one..some of it is a blur) and I was so wanting for the onslaught to be over..it was one barrage after another...My husband brought to mind the story of Jesus calming the storm when they were on a boat.."ENOUGH" he said and the wind and waves ceased..I wanted Him to do that again....I pictured that over in my mind..knowing He is able...He is Awesome!! We are His children and He does love and carry us!! So expect great things this week..Go in His power..wow...
And that is what has happened this past week - there have been some horrible storms, but with encouragement, I am envisioning a Savior that I follow and I envision Him shouting at it all "ENOUGH"!! And I am blessed beyond words and maybe met an angel to boot.
What kind of a God is that?
I am beginning to believe something that I have known, and believed and even taught to others - but I am beginning to 'know' on a different level what kind of a God we have - and that He listens to others on my behalf is not something I can put my arms around again and again. I don't know the ending destination of this journey, but I am beginning to know better a God that truly does watch you be thrown into the fiery furnace and truly does hear.
And truly, walks in that furnace with us. When people around us count how many were thrown into that furnace, I hope they see an additional "one" walking with us.**
There are others that are walking an even hotter fire than I this week, so I pray for them. Because He is walking with me, I pray that the flames may not overtake them as well, that He walks in there with them.
And if you think that note was awesome, and it was, you should meet the House Church people behind us that God himself lined up. And old friends coming to shelter us, guard us, pray over us and help us out so we will have a place to live this time next year. I'd love to have you meet two earnest young men that pray a prayer of healing over us. You should see the cards I get in the mail - some unsigned and playful, giving us something to think about, investigate, wonder over. Some, touching my soul with their outpouring of love and words.
It has been overwhelming, because I of all people, did not expect this. God giving me nurses that are beyond their pay-levels. God providing for us in ways that are humbling, yet full of wonderment. God lining up people to be that encouragement, that day, to enable us to take one more step, to go on and continue.
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Daniel 3:
**Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?”
They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.”
He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”
Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”
So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.
Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way.”
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Whether we walk out of the fire or not, I pray we live our lives in ways that make people drop their jaw at times and see the "One" walking in the midst of it with us. I'm not quite there yet, but He still is walking it with me.
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And right now, I'm guessing you all are very thankful that I didn't get the nurse that gives the steroids too fast helping my brain stay awake all night and recall butchering turkeys and other frightful events in my life.
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