bloodwork fail #2......

My blood work came back poorly again today -- so no chemo treatment. 

I was not caught off guard as much as the first time, because I have really felt pretty wretched and weak this past week, so that kind of told me that not only is Carbo a nasty, nasty thing to do to a soul, but that my blood was tanking a bit, too. 

But, having said I was a little prepared, I was still pretty devastated - and something else --- mad.  I was just plain mad. 

Heidi had come to spend the day with us, so she had a few ideas and the last one ended us up at the Vineyard Columbus having some ladies praying over all of us. 

That girl is pretty brilliant in times of crisis. 

I am thinking it has all come down to this - I am in God's hands.  There's no getting around the fact that I should not be missing treatments.  There's no getting around the fact that I have done everything and then some to make sure I was not exposing myself to anything that would stall this.  I have been eating everything they told me to eat and not eating any of their 3 pages of "cannots". 

I gave up coffee for crying out loud with barely a whimper.  (well I whined a lot, but I gave it up quickly so as not inhibit anything....) 

All that.  

And there is nothing to do but place myself in the hands of an Almighty God that I am struggling to work this all out with. 

I am looking for a treadmill - I do plan to get mad and fight a little here......