Good News with a Ton of Bricks

Drum roll please:   My white blood cell count results came back higher - higher - than the first blood draw  before I started chemo in January.  They are all still "below normal limits" - but this one was really trying and maybe even pushing to get into the "low norm" category.  Pretty amazing. 

Score one for a treadmill and at least a mile every day.  Score one for lots rest and no germ exposure as mundane and difficult as that is the one and a half days a week I feel "better". 

Score high in the victory pile under God's help this week. 

Back Story:  I woke up Saturday morning with swollen tonsils and called my family doctor more than a little concerned.  If I were usually healthy, I would have waited to see if it turned into strep or nasty tonsillitis in a few days - but I shouldn't/can't do that now.   

My new mantra in life:  DO NOT MAKE THE NEUTROPHILS WORK IN THE LEAST LITTLE BIT.....They can not do the job.  In a sordid way, I feel sorry for them - they just cannot stand up and take a hit.   They are on disability and make the quivering English captives under Chief Pontiac look suddenly tremendously brave. 

So Saturday morning, my doctor scripted me some antibiotics asap - which was wonderful.   But then of course I was really *worried* (and I know I should say *concerned* - but I was worried) that a minor sore throat and antibiotics would "break" my wbc's and kick me out of chemo again this week.  

But it didn't.  And you can imagine my smile. 

That-there folks, knowing how the white blood cells work a little, is amazing grace, and me and my wbc's say *thank you* for the prayers. 

Of note and concern for prayer now is my platelet count, it's tanking a little more than they would like, so I need to do whatever it is that platelets like - in order to coax them up some - and apparently they are not easily influenced as well. 

My mother maybe thought me a little stubborn when young - she should see my 51 year old blood cells.....

*******

My appointment with my surgeon went very, very well today.  (And, much to my relief, his eyes were open probably more than half the time)  He did a pretty thorough exam and asked me how I thought the lumps were feeling.  I told him I honestly had not checked the last two weeks - and as he is doing the exam - he says "this is good, this is excellent," and then he kind of whispered "you realize, they are barely palpable now"....... "they have noticeably shrunk".  He picked up my chart, checked it again, then held onto the counter and looked at me. 

WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. 

I thought Scott might jump out the third story window and start whooping it up in the middle of four lane Oletangy River Road from sheer joy and overwhelming relief.  I smiled at my surgeon, very happy.  He kind of smiled back at me. 

We had a moment.

I felt a heavy, heavy load lifting - this was all going to be worth it maybe after all.  The trial study.  The 3 days of chemo each week.  The higher doses in chemo causing odd side effects and just plain overall ickiness.  

I asked him a few questions then he told me again the basic overall procedure - I am scheduled for surgery 3-4 weeks after my last chemo treatment which is June 21st.  If I miss any further chemo treatments, that date keeps getting pushed out.

I have worried about this cancer being in other lymph nodes in my body and he explained a few things that were very positive and said even if it is - the chemo I am getting now will take care of it.

And then the ton of bricks:  6 weeks of radiation treatments after all.  Every day.  Six weeks.  They-promised-me-before-no-radiation.

NO. NO. NO. NO. 

It's not only the inconvenience of driving a little ways each day for a short treatment.  It's not that I think radiation is bad in a treatment sense.  I just don't want more than my body has already had.  

When we first talked to my oncologists and surgeons at OSU, because I have had more radiation than the usual chickadee (I am sitting here with a dead thyroid full of it as I type) we were going to try to avoid that, because radiation has a way of turning around and biting you in the butt down the road.  (And call me a little crazy paranoid, but what other treatment puts radiation point zero over your heart - like the most important organ in your body - every day for six weeks????  I"m just a little curious on that one.....)


I did not want to hear that. 

BUT, in the grand scheme of things, it appears this is a shifting landscape as you go and respond - or don't respond to all the treatments.  I am learning to just take it and pray and wait.  This may change again, too. 


Then I went up a floor for my chemo treatment - I mean how sweet is that?  It's all in one nice building - I see my surgeon, get my chemo and even had a surprise visit from my oncologist that I usually am just seeing every three weeks now. 


She snuck into my chemo room while I was dozing in my wonderful land of "Injectable-Benadryl" and I woke up to see her face over me and she said in her sweet accent "I am so excited!!!!"  (I don't think I could put enough exclamation points after her comment)   Dr. Povoski must have been ripping up the phone lines with her after I saw him because as soon as she got away for lunch on the second floor, she was in my room at 12:08 -- very giddy and happy and excited. 


She said "this is such good news."  She went on and said "this is such excellent news".  She was smiling really big with her hands clasped in front of her.  Then she said something and I smiled and before I realized that she had said "I take a look too?"  she started to lift my shirt and I looked at the open door - ahem~hey! there are people in the hallway there - and she laughed and said "ok, ok.  I can vait until next veek for our appointment".  

Those folks at Stephanie Speilman Center are great folks, but when they get excited about a new drug doing something awesome, I am just another body appendage needing examined, looked at, discussed and I think there was some clapping - maybe downright applause - in there somewhere, too.......I'm not sure the breasts in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue this year got that many ooohs and aaaahs.  

As I have said before:  It is going to be a very humbling year.... You can tell they try to be *respectful* of your privacy and such, but the way those excited-over-the-new-drug folks acted today was kind of downright - nice. 

It's good to know that my treatment and my results are doing something other than making me miserable.

*******

And I certainly do not want to appear glib about all of this - I believe the drug is working, but after all the hopelessness and despair and fear and pain and grieving we have been entertaining the last 11 weeks, it just felt really good today to have someone look at you with excitement and real medical hope in their eyes. 

Finally.   


And then there is this:  A young fellow that Scott works with asked if he and a friend could come and pray over us every couple of weeks.  They have come twice and are two very earnest Jesus-lovers to the bottom of their very souls.  They are tall and handsome and strong, but they love the Lord and believe what the Bible has to say about healing and then put that into practice. 

They believe that when they know someone is sick, you go to them and pray over them for healing.  

I believe what the Bible says about healing as well, and I believe He can heal me.  Heal others.  But like a lot of others, I have seen it maybe "misused" enough to make me a little wary. 

And there are honestly times that God uses the medical profession to heal.  And there are honestly times He chooses not to heal.  I am ok with all of that.  I know that and do not hold any of that against God.  (at least until my next Carbo treatment - pain is a horrid master) 

But the first time Joe and Andy came into our home, they laid their hands on two sick and weary and scared people.  We have faith, we love the Lord, but we had landed in a deep pit and the rope was dangling pretty far above our heads. 

I cannot describe their prayer that is cloaked with power and earnestness.  I cannot explain the soul lifting and healing.  Words they said during their prayers have stuck with us for weeks.   

Last weekend they were healthy enough to come on Sunday night with their wives and they all laid hands on us and prayed.  Like powerful-weeping-cleansing-healing praying over you. 


And my surgeon that can be very much a tough as nails and no-nonsense type of guy, leaned his hand on the counter today and looked at me in *wonder*. 

Dr. Mrowzik, who has seen a lot of heartache in her field of work, leaned over me today, clasped her hands and said "Karen, do you understand what this means for you?"  


I cannot make some things up folks.  God is working. 

I still know my enemy, and my treatment just got extended by a few months today, but I will take what God has given me today.  And be glad. 


And I hesitate to say such things, as Scott's school was closed today because a really good teacher died of cancer.  Her funeral was today.  I don't ever want to get into the "you didn't have enough faith" or "God blessed you more" or anything like that. 

I do not know why God moves some mountains and not others.  If you want to go there, I don't know why He has allowed my cancer.  It's a plague of Egypt.  But here I am.  And a lot of others are there too. 

But in my mind, there is no judgement and no thinking that I have "extra" to make God bless me today.  In fact, it's kind of the opposite - I have seen a lot of folks with little hope there in those cancer treatment centers - I am totally humbled.  Like fall on my face humbled.  

He did bless me today, He did touch me and my doctors and all those around there with hope, and I am just going to humbly sit in the contentment and wonder of that.  Today.

He heard my cry and answered.  He answered today.  I still  have a long journey to walk, but today He heard and He blessed.  (Exodus - again and again)

And I pray mightily for the ones' at the funeral today as well.  She loved the Lord too. 

God does what He does what He does - and He doesn't always tell you the reasons behind any of His actions.  All I know is that I want to be obedient and accept His blessing - His daily "clump of grass" or "daily bread" as Jesus called it - and praise Him.   Today.