Since I am in a study, they ask you the same 59 questions every time and note any little difference, but Julie not only noted, she expounded.
I told her that I could probably tell her the exact minute that my chemo pre-med IV steroids and anti-nausea wore off - that it was almost like I was going into shock. I got shaky, and cold, and convoluted and confused and couldn't talk sensibly, wanted to vomit - and she just smiled at me and said "you are - it's steroid withdrawal". And your chemo has just been waiting for the chance to come up and slap you hard so that is why the next 24 hours especially are difficult.
Then, on top of that, each chemo has it's own "hurt-you-time" and she suspects my poor Sundays might be more the result of the Ro, along with the 2-4 days that Taxal hits you. And Carbo has been hitting the ladies in this study 4-5 days later - making you think you did beat it because it reacts much further out than the Taxal reaction.
So she said, yes it's steroid-withdrawal-shock, and treat it like shock - just get really warm and liquids and make sure you are doing your oral anti-nausea and just sleep as much as you can.
Oh, just save me a room with Dr. Drew.....
Hmmmmmm....... drumming my fingers here and needing an excel spreadsheet which blogger does not give me.....
So I'm guessing plugging this into a spreadsheet it would look a little like this:
- Chemo IV Taxal, weekly, 2-4 days reaction time, which is late Thursday and Friday, or Friday and Saturday whichever it chooses
- Chemo RO, 1 dose for 3 days seems to hit on Sunday, and it hasn't been all that bad, just not good.
- Chemo Carbo, every 21 days slaps you down to nothing 4-5 days after administering......
So Taxal + RO week knocks out 3 days more or less. Carbo +Taxal + RO weeks knocks you out to 5 days????
I asked her how you recover enough to be able to turn around for the next Wednesday treatment, and she said the dreaded words I was afraid were coming, "well, we are reducing your Carbo - it's too high for you". Then I wanted to cry. (But I didn't you will be glad to know. Yet)
I told her I don't want to do anything to allow this cancer to get a jump start on me and she said the even more dreaded words I have not been wanting to hear - "if we need to, and sometimes when people cannot tolerate the high dose of Carbo, if we need to - we do four two-week doses of chemotherapy after your surgery. (it was a drug that started with an "A". I was too idiot to write it down.)
The dread lies in the knowledge that this cancer is much more receptive to chemo now than it will be months down the road. I don't want a lower dose of Carbo, even though it may slay me now, but since it tanks my blood so much, there is little choice.
So it was a good day yesterday, but another "wish she hadn't said that" day, too.
Actually, after having decided to use my "week off" last week to my advantage and start some serious exercise and diet and rest recovery, I felt better at the 10 day mark and it reminded me of how I would feel the end of the summer maybe. Now that time just got knocked out a little bit further - like by 8 weeks.
So my hope is in the Lord. Sometimes it appears even though I have landed in a great medical facility, each thing just goes one notch further than I was hoping desperately it would not. But the Lord God is my redeemer, my healer, my help in times of need, and I'm sure that he is holding me in the wings he showed me that day in the surgeons office; and they are all about me daily. And I am still clinging to his rob.
Holding on really, really tight.
*****
Another odd enlightenment is that I told her I was having difficulty telling the difference between the fatigue that happens naturally because your white cells are lagging and low now, and actually defining when they were tanking too much. I told her the best gauge for me seemed to be weepy, shaky days - which are uncommon for me at any other time - and she said "bingo". And she said "those are the days you go to bed and rest to allow your blood to recover"........ I'm counting and there are not enough days in the week.
I'm hoping with more "enforced" workouts, and with the "tweaking" of my doses, that my chemo treatments will get into a rhythm and not be so severe. And I am hoping that my blood gets better. Scott is swearing by his cake and sugar and saturated fats that were in it causing me to drink lots of milk, too. Maybe he's right - my blood was so shocked by it all, it just got happy for a bit.
But 3 days of chemo each week takes a toll, that makes me want to fight it and count the days.
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